{"id":21270,"date":"2012-09-22T00:01:22","date_gmt":"2012-09-21T14:31:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/?p=21270"},"modified":"2012-09-22T08:39:34","modified_gmt":"2012-09-21T23:09:34","slug":"worst-film-week-five-ways-to-make-sure-i-hate-your-movie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/2012\/09\/22\/worst-film-week-five-ways-to-make-sure-i-hate-your-movie\/","title":{"rendered":"Worst Film Week – Five Ways To Make Sure I Hate Your Movie"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"
\n<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Jessica E is a long-time film blogger over at her own site, The Velvet Cafe<\/a>, and it only seemed natural that we prodded her into action when it came to <\/strong><\/em>Worst Film Week<\/strong> – we made her an offer she couldn’t refuse! No, not really, but we did grovel and beg rather conspicuously at her doorstep in the hope that she’d write something for us. And she has. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

After you’ve read this, make sure you trot on over to <\/strong><\/em>The Velvet Cafe<\/strong> and catch up with all of Jess’s other work; we’re sure you’ll love it (and her) just like we do! And of course, we shout out a big “thank you” to Jess for contributing to <\/strong><\/em>Worst Film Week<\/strong> this year!
\n<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Five<\/strong> ways to make sure I\u2019m going to hate your movie.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Did you know that studios not always want their film to make profit and become a huge success at the box office? Sometimes it can serve them better to make a loss.<\/p>\n

\u00a0At least that\u2019s what I was told by a guy I met at a recent meet-up with sci-fi fans where I live.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Sadly I never pressed him on details or sources to back up the statement. But as far as I got it, this was something that had occurred back in the days and it had something to do with clever account management. Insurances, tax reductions, whatever.<\/p>\n

\u00a0You know you never should check a good story and I have no intention of looking closer to this one. Perhaps it\u2019s just an urban legend. Maybe there is a grain of truth in it. Regardless of which, it sparked a fun little discussion about what a filmmaker needs to do in order to keep the audience at a minimum, maximizing the profit.<\/p>\n

\u00a0A part of this is obviously to make the movie as bad as possible. So I started to think about what features in a movie that I dislike so much that I\u2019ll avoid watching it, provided I know about them, or to spread the word about how crappy it is to others in order to deter them from wasting their money on it.<\/p>\n

\u00a0And film blogger as I am couldn\u2019t refrain from making a list. So here you are: five things to do if you want to make sure I\u2019m going to hate your movie.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"
… and his muscles were soooo big, I said “daaaaaaam”!!!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

1. <\/strong>Make sure your film wouldn\u2019t pass a Bechdel test.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you have to include any female characters at all, make sure that all they care about is men and how to get their approval. Make them clueless, vulnerable and giggly. See to that their asses and cleavages are properly exposed and have them stumble around on high heels, regardless of which situation they are in.<\/p>\n

(In case you\u2019ve forgotten about Bechdel tests: the film has to have at least two [named] women in it who talk to each other about something besides a man.)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
Just a little…. off color?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

2. Be generous with the stereotypes.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Include them all. Let the prejudices flow. Be racist, be ageist, be sexist, let your homophobia loose. The sky is the limit.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Am I speaking to people who understand me?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

3. Refrain from jokes that require an ounce of intelligence to understand.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jokes should include farts with puke and pee for variation. And tits. Don\u2019t forget to include gags about someone who gets his balls hurt or who is in fear that this will happen. Repeat all jokes. [Sounds like any Adam Sandler film you care to name – Ed.]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"
Sometimes, subtitles go bad….<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

4. If it\u2019s a foreign film \u2013 don\u2019t use subtitles. Dub it!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Give attention to the voices so they don\u2019t match the people on screen. There mustn\u2019t be any lip sync.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Just what you want to watch in 3D!!!!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

5. Make it in <\/strong>substandard 3D<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is probably the best trick of all. There\u2019s nothing that can make a film look as crappy as 3D. You don\u2019t just get a dark and blurred image; it even gives some people headaches. And when you raise the ticket price to 50 percent above the normal, you can be pretty certain that I\u2019m going to hate you for it. Please notice that you shouldn\u2019t use proper 3D cameras while shooting. Add the 3D after you made the movie, so you\u2019re sure that all characters look like cardboard figures acting against a film background.<\/p>\n

Would a film <\/strong>like this bomb?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The question is: am I representative? Would a film that followed my five points bomb at the box office?<\/p>\n

To be honest I\u2019m not entirely sure. I actually think that a movie that follows this advice might do very well. But maybe I\u2019m wrong, underestimating the intelligence of the average movie goer. I hope so.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Did you know that studios not always want their film to make profit and become a huge success at the box office? Sometimes it can serve them better to make a loss.<\/p>\n

At least that\u2019s what I was told by a guy I met at a recent meet-up with sci-fi fans where I live.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1063,"featured_media":22352,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[332,228,246],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-21270","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-2012-worst-film-week","category-opinion","category-worst-film-weeks"],"featured_image_urls":{"full":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077-500x280.jpg",500,280,true],"medium":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"medium_large":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"large":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"covernews-featured":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"covernews-medium":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077.jpg",500,313,false],"profile_24":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077-24x24.jpg",24,24,true],"profile_48":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077-48x48.jpg",48,48,true],"profile_96":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077-96x96.jpg",96,96,true],"profile_150":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"profile_300":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077-300x300.jpg",300,300,true],"sow-carousel-default":["https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/4709364438_9ed1337077-272x182.jpg",272,182,true]},"author_info":{"display_name":"Jessica","author_link":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/author\/jessica-elgenstierna\/"},"category_info":"2012 Worst Film Week<\/a> Opinion<\/a> Worst Film Weeks<\/a>","tag_info":"Worst Film Weeks","comment_count":"13","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21270","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1063"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21270"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21270\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/22352"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21270"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21270"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.fernbyfilms.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21270"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}